Maybe you have always known you had an abusive father, like me, you’ve known since childhood, your dad wasn’t like what you see in movies. Or maybe as an adult you realized your dad was actually very abusive and your confused by your relationship now…
Either way, during the Father’s Day season, each scenario leaves you feeling like you have the word “unlovable” or “daddy issues” tattooed on your forehead. Or like you have an incurable illness because somehow for some reason you weren’t loved like a daddy should love his daughter. You were the victim of a cycle that started long before you were born, and…it hurts. Father’s Day can hurt.
Maybe you learned to be good in school to keep his rage in check, or maybe you still won’t look at a drink of alcohol because of the way you saw who it made him become. Maybe you grew up and he won’t stop emotionally manipulating or damaging your relationship with his hurtful words. Maybe he hit you, called you the worst names, assaulted you, abandoned you… It’s painful to think there is a day where most functional father-daughter relationships are celebrated. And yours is somehow broken.
But…
I’m here to tell you, your father’s failure to see how he should have treated his daughter is not because YOU are broken.
It’s because he is
Your dad should have cared for you like that girl in your class who got to go to the daddy daughter dance and wasn’t screamed at or hit in the car.
Your dad should have given you pure love hugs, not perversion.
Your dad should have protected you and built you up.
Your dad should have been a “daddy” without making you cringe.
Broken people, break people. Hurt people, hurt people.
Your dad was broken and hurt. You can choose not to carry that anymore.
You are LOVED. Beloved. Not the product of someone who abused us.
Father’s Day may feel like a knife was twisted in your heart. But, Father’s Day, can remind those of us in the “abusive dad club” that we only have one perfect father. We don’t have to let our identity come from those who chose not to heal and mistreat us. We can remember that we WERE chosen by a God who loves us dearly, who sent his son to die for us and WE can heal so we don’t pass anything onto our children.
We might be squirming at the nice Father’s Day cards at the store. Or we might get jealous over that girl whose dad meets her every need and treats her kindly.
It’s not fair.
But hold your head HIGH. Celebrate the heavenly father that loves you endlessly, on this Father’s Day. You aren’t less. You are someone who is worthy of the love you didn’t get.
Hugs, I know. I see you.
-Hannah
